Only 160 characters in your bio? Really Twitter? How can you sum up yourself in 160 characters? I was TRYING to write:
I have a smokin’ hot husband, two killer kids, two snuggleriffic cats, and a dog that is friendly with everyone, especially small children. I like lavender sheets, skorts, steamed artichokes with lemon butter, tube socks, chatting up telemarketers, rollerblading with my besties, looking at people’s vacation albums from the 80′s, and having opposable thumbs. My best features are my perfectly shaped eyebrows, soft hands, and non-weird looking ears. I am fluent in both Your Mom and Meow languages. I get others to kill roaches for me. I leave food out for baby skunks. I enjoy a nice vaccuum. People often stop me and say, “Hey, can you please stop staring at us? You’re frightening our children. No, I do not want to come over to listen to Josh Groban with you while brushing your hair. What? No, I do not want a friendship bracelet. Come again? What did you say? Now that’s just plain offensive. You don’t even know my mother. That’s it, I’m calling the police”.
But NOOOO. Invalid entry. Now I have to limit myself to some silly tagline like “I love people” or “ I love my cats” or maybe “I’m a never nude. Shh, don’t tell”. I might as well just put a winky face and leave it at that, because THAT really sums me up.